Gentlemen in Training

The Case for Manners for Today’s Young Men – Part 5

Raising toddlers, you quickly learn which fights need fighting. Consistent bed times and teeth brushing? A big yes. Putting toys away? A struggle, but worth it. Hot Wheels at the dinner table? Okay, just let them. Taking them away is not worth the meltdown.

It’s these daily battles that we parents must prioritize. Is the confrontation worth the tantrum? Will an attempt at peace talks lead to a treaty? Much of it requires what we as parents are willing to tolerate. How much do we want to let our little ones “get away with.”

I believe the short answer is a lot. They’ve never seen a remote control, so it makes sense that they’re going to be fascinated with it and not let go of it when you ask for it. This is when negotiation begins. I’ll give you this, if you give me that. Then the bargaining. If you give me that, you can get this or do that. Then, the threats. Give me that, or you can never do that.

I try to avoid the threats, but sometimes they’re unavoidable. It’s the bargaining, negotiating, and basic “talking through” of things that ends up working, giving everyone involved some semblance of comfort. It’s these acts of asking before you take, offering options, posing questions, and giving in before giving up, that have immediate positive results, plus, add to long-term manner development.

Lessening the sting of any battle, whether on a real battlefield or in the playroom, requires defusing as much as humanly possible in an efficient manner. Yes, there will be some loss, some grief, but if we as fathers can exercise more consensus-building, peace-making, and diplomacy, before we have to resort to other options—nuclear or otherwise—our young gentlemen-in-training may not be so quick to fight. If we cultivate peacekeepers now, we may not need so many warriors later.

Manners Matter: Part 1 of the Gentlemen in Training series

PC or Not PC: Part 2 of the Gentlemen in Training series

Brotherly Love: Part 3 of the Gentlemen in Training series

Gentleman Up: Part 4 of the Gentlemen in Training series

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Photo by Henry Hustava on Unsplash

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